Thursday, 5 November 2015

Conflicts within myself for the past weeks have been building up. I want to be happy with who I am, what I am doing and how I treat people around me, but it just keeps getting harder. I find myself craving space/'me' time/something... I don't even know now.

Compromising on my own values is the worst dilemma that is always on my mind now. It's hard to be the best version of myself when other wants come in the way. Disgust and quoting another friend, "disenchanted", is how I feel. Furthermore, I am consciously allowing myself to sink into this cycle. It always happens, it is currently unfolding and repeating and I am getting more lost from myself.

Thoughts and actions are so different. 
Small talk and real talk are so different.

Priorities are hard to set.
Socialising gets tiring.

Staying at the 'surface level' is suffocating.
Realising that people are situational is saddening.

Wanting more than this superficial obligation is trying.
Trying to be me; unique and different me is tough.

I am so happy yet unhappy with this life.
I want a lot of things but I keep losing others.

It's tough to maintain relationships.
It's hard when you really want those relationships.

Effort comes from both sides.
When only one side remains standing, you just get so tired, but sad too.

I want more out of this. More out of myself.
Comparing is terrible but it happens everyday. Stop.
Let me be an individual of my own, I am not a copy of another.
I am selfish; this is my right but I must suppress. Or do i?